habits are hard to break. i snooze every morning for thirty minutes. i set my alarm the night before for a much earlier time than i want to wake up the next morning, already planning to sleep three cycles of nine minutes each, at least. i used to be a morning person too. i don’t spend much time in the bathroom- taking no more than ten minutes to brush my teeth, put my contacts in, and on some occasions, remove yesterday’s makeup. and then i am back in my room, thinking about what to wear when half of my wardrobe is split between a tiny closet and a large, blue, ikea bag. what shoes? a pair of snow boots shoved beneath strappy sandals and open toed heels remind me that winter lurks around the corner. buy winter jacket has been on a list of things to purchase for two winters now. i make my way to the kitchen and toast a waffle, something i manage to burn every monday through friday as i check my work email on one of my mobile devices. i walk out of our building, deciding if i will walk west and get a coffee at gimme!, or, walk north and catch the l train at graham. lately, i’ve opted for that latter, replacing a coffee in hand for a book. remembering that that was one of the reasons why i wanted to move to NY in the first place: to be able to read, sleep, and people watch on the subway. this, among others reasons, are constant reminders of what makes this city, the city i wanted to live in. i think about my return one-way ticket to LA almost everyday. it’s not easy when your heart loves two cities, it’s like being torn between two loves. when i turn towards one, it attracts me like a bright light, i can’t see anything else, floating closer and closer to some sort of heaven. and then, i get a tap on the shoulder from the other, in a questioning manner asking if i forgot about them or not. i have not, i say, apologizing endlessly for making them feel as if they were unwanted. i have not, i love you too, i convince them. and that is why i have yet to buy that return one-way ticket.