Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
“I will remember today.”
Yesterday my alarm woke me up at 5:27 a.m. It felt like any other morning. It was still very dark. I remember that because my eyes had to adjust to the brightness of the screen of my phone as I laid there checking my email, my Tumblr, etc. etc. I read Kendra’s latest entry about how she asked her boss for a raise. I read this sentence: “I reached from a place unknown inside of me and came out and knocked on the door. This was something I never really thought about doing before but I unexpectedly realized that I was worth it.”
And then I lifted my body up. And got ready to go to work. I went to the bathroom and saw that I still had yesterday’s makeup on. I was wearing brown eyeshadow, which is unlike me because I don’t wear dark colors often. I wore yesterday’s clothes because I was too lazy to think up of a new outfit. I was early and decided to get an Americano from the Coffee Bean downstairs.
The three guys in the store were all having an involved conversation about basketball. I do like basketball, but I had no interest in that this morning. Not even eavesdropping. Instead I tuned out and looked at the flat screen that hung from above. It was reading off today’s horoscope and was “Currently Playing: One Tree Hill by U2” but really, all I could hear was the their conversation. Cancer’s read, “Today is a day to take a risk”. I remember laughing to myself, “That’d be crazy if I told work about my plans to move to New York next year.”
I parked a little further the night before and on that walk to Grand Avenue that morning, that laugh inside Coffee Bean led me to play every song about New York that I had on my phone including Ryan Adams’ New York, New York. I thought about films that were set in New York that I enjoyed. I thought about my dream I had since I was 11-years old to save enough money to move to New York before I even knew what New York was. And then I thought, “Holy crap! Today is the day I tell work.” No more waiting. No more excuses.
My body reacted almost instantly. When I got into the office my movements were face paced. I even started sweating. I got in at 7:17 a.m. and had a good forty minutes to sit there and think about my next step. The fourth floor was doing heavy construction, the loudest I’ve ever heard it in the past two weeks. I couldn’t hear the music playing from the speakers. And I couldn’t even hear myself think, but I didn’t need to. My mind was already made up.
I asked my boss what time he was coming into work that morning, which was also unlike me. He responds, “8:30. Is there something you need to speak with me before I come in?” My response, “No.” One by one, my co-workers started piling in. The fourth to enter the door was my boss. He walks past my desk and I asked him, “Do you have a moment?” “Yaa, come in”. The walkway from my desk to his office wasn’t enough time to think about what my first sentence was going to be. He started unpacking his things and setting them on the table. He offered me a chair. And I was sweating. And my hands were shaky. I was nervous, but I knew that everything was going to be OK.
And so, I told him. It was a solid thirty minute conversation. And I was crying, and I cried a lot. I filled up his wastebasket with wet tissues. I wasn’t crying about not working at the office anymore. I was crying because hearing the words “I. Am. Moving.” come out of my mouth was scary and exciting at the same time. My body must have not known how to react because I think it even caused myself a stomach ache.
I asked if could take a breather before returning back to my work. I got up and left his office. And thought that it had happened perfectly, as far as perfectly goes. Everything that I wanted to say was said and I wouldn’t have chosen to say anything differently. I was pleased with my decision. I walked out of the doors of our building and felt a little lighter.
